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I am standing in the lobby of a breathtaking luxury hotel.
My friends, all top hotel professionals, crowd round me.
‘We’ve heard about your Hotel Stories,’ says one. ‘They sound fabulous – a little bit spicy, a little bit mysterious, loads of strong women. Are they based on real life?’
‘Absolutely not,’ I say to the group of hotel managers and luxury travel experts. ‘The stories spring fully-formed from my imagination. But enough about me. Has anything weird or stimulating happened in any of your properties recently?’
‘Weird or stimulating barely suffices to describe what happened at my hotel in London last week,’ says the general manager of a legendary five-star property. ‘Let me tell you about it…’
So what is in the Hotel Stories; and why should you read them?
All seven Hotel Stories star the world’s most brilliant hotel manager, Ms N (she is too modest to wish to be named here). She has strict methods of dealing with badly-behaved hotel guests. The stories are narrated by Ms N’s beautiful but naive colleague, Tatiana.
The first reason you should read the Hotel Stories is Britches, which records how Ms N and Tatiana first met. They form a team, as Tatiana helps Ms N sorts out the hotel owner from hell using the President of China; a whisky-tasting; and something Tatiana finds under a handsome Scotsman’s kilt. (Links in bold italics are to other posts on this site.)
Wonderful news for the hundreds (yes, I have counted) of fans of the ‘wonderful, feminist and dark’ Hotel Stories.
A fifth story in the series, Ask for Scarlett, is coming soon.
Many readers have asked – please can we see what is going on inside Ms N’s head?
Others have said – surely there must be a few more sympathetic male customers in these five star hotels?
One or two have said – the hotels you’re depicting aren’t luxurious enough. What about some real luxury? (Actually, I made that up. No-one could possibly doubt the luxury of the establishments in Hotel Stories 1-4.)
So watch this space for news of Ask for Scarlett – out soon on Amazon for your delectation.
It will address all the queries and alleged deficiencies mentioned above. Well, some of them.
Incidentally, analysis shows that my most popular post about the Hotel Stories is 5 Ways the “Hotel Stories” can improve your life, featuring beer, fish and chips, the picturesque hamlet of Stow cum Quy and “Don’t get mad, get even”. Check it out.
It’s true. The Hotel Stories can improve your life.
You can now find the fourth in the series of “Hotel Stories”, Britches, published on Amazon as part of Seven Hotel Stories.
Britches features a rather attractive Scot in a kilt, an analysis of which (at the link) shows that although Tatiana may not have a great education, her intellectual skills are second to none. Let’s get straight into the action with an excerpt from the start of the story.
A short story by Robert Pimm
‘The music is too loud.’
‘I beg your pardon, sir?’
‘You are kidding me, right?’ The customer in the dressing gown peers at my name badge. ‘Tatiana.’
‘No, sir, of course I am not kidding you. But I cannot hear you too good.’
The man is narrowing his eyes. I think he is deciding whether it is worth being angry with someone so unimportant as me. (more…)
My last blog promised that the fourth Hotel Story, Britches, would be coming soon.
I’m editing it this afternoon.
It’s good to re-read a story and enjoy it. Here are two excerpts from Britches:
– As our narrator heroine Tatiana is manhandled through a crowded party in the Dionysus Bar of the hotel by an over-excited guest, she assesses the situation:
I try to relax and to focus on my task, which is to turn the music down, or even off. As I am being dragged I examine the people I am being dragged past in case they can help me. Most of the men have more white hair than the women, but their noses are not so sharp and their lips are less stretched. They are dressed in black suits with black or white open-necked shirts and some of them have what look like small white moustaches. But when I look closer I see that they have dabs of white powder under their nose as if they have cut themselves shaving.
It is as if there has been a bad-shaving massacre in the Basement Luxury Venue.
– Later, Tatiana recruits help from some men in kilts to tackle a problem; and we see her famous analytical skills in action:
If I am honest, I am thinking that the man with the hairy, shapely legs has already tonight had one or more drinks. But in a moment he has pulled three other men in skirts from the crowd of people who are watching the Long-Legged Lovely Lassies. All of this new group of men also have hairy, shapely legs. In fact, I am wondering whether this is because men with hairy, shapely legs are enjoying wearing a skirt more than men with legs which are not so hairy or shapely; or whether it is because wearing a skirt makes a man’s legs more hairy and shapely.
A talented woman, is Tatiana. Watch this space for more news about Britches.
P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, feel free to friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button). Check out the range of writing on this site via the sitemap and guide.
- You can read excerpts of each story on this site (see below);
- You can buy Seven Hotel Stories: The Complete Collection; (e-book) or Seven Hotel Stories (paperback)
- If you fancy trying a single story, you can read The Two Rooms completely free on this site by way of an introduction.
- I often publish new stories so keep on eye on my five pleasure paths for a guide to everything on this site.
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THE WHITE BLOUSE (Excerpt)
A short story by Robert Pimm
If I am honest, I do not like border crossings.
It is a lonely place in the passport queue, waiting to enter the country of C— . But what to do?
In addition, I know I should not complain because I am here by choice. It was my decision, to apply for a job in this country. When I was successful I was so pleased that I went out shopping and bought myself a new white blouse, which is folded up in the big black suitcase at my side. But now, waiting in a room which I do not think has been painted or even cleaned for many years, I am wondering if I have made the right decision either applying for this job or accepting it.
The country of C— is remote. There are not even direct flights to C— from most countries. Instead, I must fly to a neighbouring country, R—. R— has a capital city whose airport is a hub for the region. From there I must take a taxi fifty kilometres to the border of C—. Once I am through passport control I will hire a taxi on the other side of the border and continue to my destination.
I have already been waiting thirty minutes.
But now I am at the front of the queue.
The passport officer is a tall man with a black moustache and a khaki-coloured shirt which is stretched out tight by a large belly. He looks down at me in a way I do not like.
‘So,’ he says in English. ‘You are coming to work in our country?
‘Yes,’ I reply. My work permit is with my passport on the counter in front of him so I cannot think what else to say.
‘You want to work in a hotel. As a head receptionist.’ He says this as if it is something dirty. ‘Your customers will like that. You are a very attractive woman.’
He smiles at me, but not in a good way.
‘Is that a problem?’ I say.
‘I think we must do a customs search.’ He looks at my black suitcase, then he looks for a longer time at me, and licks his lips. ‘Come.’ He points to a door behind the counter.
The following is an excerpt from the second of the “Hotel Stories” series, The Two Rooms. The Hotel Stories series takes a wry look at the sex, humour and power plays beneath the surface of modern hotel life. The series has been described by one reviewer as “Wonderful, feminist and dark. Not three words that often go together.”
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THE TWO ROOMS (Excerpt)
A short story by Robert Pimm
‘I’m not moving. That’s final.’
Mr Burke is a tall, dark-haired man in a designer denim jacket with subtle stubble and a deep, melodious voice. He’s achingly good-looking and he knows it.