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Seven Hotel Stories. Yes, seven

Someone pointed out recently that I hadn’t written about the Hotel Stories for some time.

In fact, I recently rebranded The Hotel Stories – Complete Collection as Seven Hotel Stories.  My goal was to remind readers how many stories now exist in a single, novel-length volume.

All the stories feature the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager, Ms N; her beautiful but naive ally, Tatiana; and Ms N’s unique methods of solving problems.

The first story, Britches, shows how Ms N and Tatiana first met; and how they sorted out the hotel owner from hell using a Combined Burns Night and St Patrick’s Day Ball (they exist – I have been to one); the President of China; and something Tatiana found under a handsome Scotsman’s kilt.

The second Hotel Story is The Two Rooms.  It features an obnoxious guest; a hypocritical Prime Minister on a moral crusade; some Russian ice-hockey fans; an angry Japanese sushi chef; and a startling twist.  Is it my favourite?  Perhaps it is.

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The Hotel Stories – 7 reasons you should read them

I’m standing in the lobby of one of a breathtaking luxury hotel.

I’m surrounded by top hotel professionals: general managers, directors of sales and marketing, even a hotel recruitment wizard, all here for the birthday of another top hotel professional.

‘We’ve heard about your Hotel Stories,’ says one.  ‘They sound fabulous – a little bit spicy, a little bit mysterious, loads of strong women.  Are they based on real life?’

‘Absolutely not,’ I say to the group of hotel professionals.  ‘They all spring fully-formed from my imagination.  But enough about me. Has anything weird or remarkable happened in any of your properties recently?’

‘Weird or remarkable barely suffices to describe what happened at a hotel managed by an old friend of mine in London last week,’ says one.  ‘Let me tell you about it…’

*

So what’s in the Hotel Stories; and why should you read them?

Here’s a quick summary.  I have published seven Hotel Stories.  All feature the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager, Ms N; her beautiful but naive ally, Tatiana; and Ms N’s unique methods of dealing with awkward hotel guests and, sometimes, colleagues.

The first reason you should read the Hotel Stories is The Two Rooms.  Key plot ingredients are an unspeakably obnoxious male guest; a Prime Minister on a moral crusade; a high-class call-girl; some cigar-smoking Russian ice-hockey fans; an angry Japanese sushi chef; and a startling twist.  Is it my favourite?  Perhaps it is.

The second reason is The White Blouse, set somewhere in the Former Soviet Union in a hotel with some ugly problems including bribery; corruption; and a guest with deeply unpleasant proclivities.  The White Blouse has a couple of scenes which are not for the squeamish.  Actually, all of the Hotel Stories are intended for adult readers.

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Seven Hotel Stories – what’s in the Complete Collection?

The Seven Hotel Stories are available in a single, wonderful, novel-length volume.

But what are the stories?  Here’s a quick summary.

The first Hotel Story is called The Two Rooms.  It involves an obnoxious guest; a Prime Minister on a moral crusade; a high-class call-girl; some Russian ice-hockey fans; an angry Japanese sushi chef; and a startling twist.  Is it my favourite?  Perhaps it is.

 

The second Hotel Story, set somewhere in the Former Soviet Union in a hotel with some ugly problems including bribery; corruption; and a guest with deeply unpleasant proclivities, is The White Blouse.  This one has a couple of scenes which are not for the squeamish.  Actually, all of the Hotel Stories are intended for adult readers.

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Hotel Story Number 4: “Britches” – Coming Soon part 2

My last blog promised that the fourth Hotel Story, Britches, would be coming soon.

I’m editing it this afternoon.

It’s good to re-read a story and enjoy it.  Here are two excerpts from Britches:

– As our narrator heroine Tatiana is manhandled through a crowded party in the Dionysus Bar of the hotel by an over-excited guest, she assesses the situation:

I try to relax and to focus on my task, which is to turn the music down, or even off.  As I am being dragged I examine the people I am being dragged past in case they can help me.  Most of the men have more white hair than the women, but their noses are not so sharp and their lips are less stretched. They are dressed in black suits with black or white open-necked shirts and some of them have what look like small white moustaches. But when I look closer I see that they have dabs of white powder under their nose as if they have cut themselves shaving.

It is as if there has been a bad-shaving massacre in the Basement Luxury Venue.

– Later, Tatiana recruits help from some men in kilts to tackle a problem; and we see her famous analytical skills in action:

If I am honest, I am thinking that the man with the hairy, shapely legs has already tonight had one or more drinks. But in a moment he has pulled three other men in skirts from the crowd of people who are watching the Long-Legged Lovely Lassies. All of this new group of men also have hairy, shapely legs. In fact, I am wondering whether this is because men with hairy, shapely legs are enjoying wearing a skirt more than men with legs which are not so hairy or shapely; or whether it is because wearing a skirt makes a man’s legs more hairy and shapely.

A talented woman, is Tatiana.  Watch this space for more news about Britches.

P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, feel free to friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button).  Check out the range of writing on this site via the sitemap and guide.

Coming soon: Hotel Story Number 4: “Britches”

I have been delighted with the positive responses to my first three “Hotel Stories“.  You can read about them at the link.

In that blog I promised a fourth Hotel Story.  I’m pleased to say that Britches is nearly ready.

Actually, it’s been nearly ready for some time.  But because Britches features some of the seamier side of events in hotels; and because – quite independently of any seamy elements – it also features a large number of Scotsmen in kilts, as well as a Combined Burns Night and St Patrick’s Day Ball, I thought it might be best to wait until after the Scottish referendum to publish it.

Let’s be clear: the Scots in Britches are attractive characters.  As Tatiana, the narrator of the Hotel Stories, says: “I have never before met a man who is wearing a skirt.  But for me this is not a problem as I believe people should be allowed to wear whatever they wish.  Also, the skirt is showing off the man’s legs.  These legs are looking healthy and well-shaped and are covered in thick red-coloured hair, like fur.”

Tatiana finds that she is attracted to the man with the hairy, shapely legs.  As she says later: “For a moment his green eyes look into mine and I think maybe I want to kiss him, although of course this would be inappropriate behaviour.

If you want to find out whether Tatiana ever kisses the man with the hairy, shapely legs; and why this question is key to the resolution of the story, you’ll have to buy Britches on Amazon when it is released shortly.

You’ll also have a chance to discover how the world’s most brilliant hotel manager, Ms N, works with Tatiana to solve permanently the problem of Mr Minas, hotel-owner from hell and son-in-law of the democratic and incorruptible President Abdullatov; and the role which the man with the hairy, shapely legs plays in fulfilling Ms N’s plan.

I hope Scots, as well as English, Welsh, Irish and anyone else who may stumble upon the Hotel Stories, will enjoy Britches.  I certainly like it; but then going back just a couple of generations I am 12.5% Scottish as well as 12.5% Welsh.  The rest, I think, is English – although I am also proud of having been conceived in Nigeria.

Watch this space for more news about Britches.

P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, feel free to friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button).  Check out the range of writing on this site via the sitemap and guide.

The “Hotel Stories” – a treasure trove of comedy and revelation

Have you ever stayed in a five-star hotel, or gazed at the lobby and dreamed of spending the night in pampered luxury?  

Have you ever wondered, in establishments designed to make visitors feel coddled, cosseted and indulged, how far hotel staff will go to please their most demanding customers?

Or how they deal with guests whose demands are unreasonable, excessive or, perhaps, illegal?

The Seven Hotel Stories, set in luxury hotels, are blackly comic case studies of how the world’s most brilliant hotel manager, Ms N, and her beautiful but naive ally Tatiana sort out some of the nastiest customers – and colleagues – you can imagine.

One reviewer said the Hotel Stories were “like Roald Dahl short stories, crossed with W Somerset Maugham“.  Another said “Tatiana is Watson to Ms N’s Sherlock Holmes – except more deadly“.

The Hotel Stories are written with an insider’s knowledge of how hotels work and the extraordinary things which happen within.  

You won’t find Ms N’s methods taught in any hotel school.  But I have it on good authority that at at least one hotel school, they are required reading.

To get a taste of the Hotel Stories, you can read an excerpt from each one at the links below.  Click!

The first story, with a startling twist, is called The Two Rooms, and features an obnoxious hotel guest who will not leave; (more…)

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