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“Hotel Story” No.10: HOTEL CORONA

Need some light relief from the global pandemic?  How about a coronavirus comedy?  “Hotel Corona“, brand new and No.10 in my “Hotel Story” series, is available now.

Ms N, the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotelier and her beautiful but naive ally, Tatiana, must cope with the effects of the coronavirus sweeping Tatiana’s beautiful but not yet economically advanced homeland.

To fight the virus, the country’s untainted-by-corruption-of-any-kind Minister of Justice is closing Ms N’s hotel – without compensation.  Ms N’s arrogant French boss, Gabriel LeBatard, only makes matters worse.  The hotel and its staff seem doomed.  But Ms N is sure to have several brilliant plans up her sleeve…

The story features Mr Dizzie Gillespie’s Afro-Cuban jazz classic Manteca (I had this version in mind when I wrote it) and a mouth-watering combination of food and wine being used to try and persuade someone to do something.  The latter element is based on a true story I was told by a hotelier in Vienna(links in bold italics are to other posts on this site).

 

You can read the beginning of the story below – or click on the picture above to download the story from Amazon.

Hotel Corona (excerpt)

It is one a.m. in the Dionysus Bar and I have a problem with an angry foreign gentleman who is a customer in our hotel.

In my beautiful but not yet economically advanced country, angry foreign gentlemen are rare, because many of them come here to meet beautiful young women who make them very happy indeed – at least in the short term.

At first, I am thinking that this foreign customer has become angry as a result of not finding a young woman who can make him happy – because he is not exactly what most people would call God’s gift to women, assuming God would think any woman would want a gift of a man in the first place. (more…)

“Hotel Story” No.9: Total Control

My new short story “Total Control” – Number 9 in the “Hotel Stories” series – is available now.

Did you know that every year I write a new “Hotel Story” as a birthday present for my partner, who – not quite by coincidence – is a senior hotel manager?

The first seven stories, dating from 2011 to 2017, are collected together in the book Seven Hotel Stories.  You can find it on Amazon as a paperback or e-book.

 

The eighth Hotel Story, Seven Ukrainian Girls, was the gift in 2018.  An excerpt is in a post on this site.

Hotel Story No.9, the 2019 birthday present, is called  Total Control.  Like all the Hotel Stories, it is a black comedy.  I wrote it last year on a writing retreat in Crete.

You can get hold of Seven Ukrainian Girls, Total Control or any of my published books on Amazon.  My two paperbacks, Blood Summit and Seven Hotel Stories, are also available at the excellent Shakespeare & Co bookstore in Vienna.

In Total Control Ms N, the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotelier, has returned from her extraordinary visit to the country of C—, as described in Hotel Story No.4, The White Blouse.  Ms N and her beautiful but naive ally Tatiana are shocked to find (more…)

Reading tips: is my book “Seven Hotel Stories” based on real life?

How far should fiction be based on true events?  Can you use personal experience to create imaginary characters and stories?  My book “Seven Hotel Stories” shows how you can build rich fiction using a blend of anecdotes, real events and total fantasy.

I am enjoying a magnum of Champagne in the lobby of a breathtaking luxury hotel at the birthday of a top hotel professional.

All around, general managers of eye-popping resorts and directors of sales of world-famous chains gather at the bar, supping cocktails, catching up, and swapping stories.

Hotel professionals love to tell stories.  They have some of the most extraordinary jobs in the world, and have to deal with some awful problems.

‘I love your Seven Hotel Stories,’ the marketing manager of a legendary hotel on the Persian Gulf says to me.  ‘I like the spicy, mysterious general manager Ms N, solving crimes and sorting out impossible problems.  I adore all the strong women you create!  Not to mention the exotic hotels, and the god-awful awkward customers and bosses who create the messes Ms N has to clean up.  Is any of it based on real life?’

‘Absolutely not,’ I say.  ‘The entire series springs fully-formed from (more…)

Hotel Story No.8: Seven Ukrainian Girls

An introduction to, and excerpt from, my short story “Seven Ukrainian Girls” – Number 8 in the “Hotel Stories” series.

Welcome to a brand new “Hotel Story”.

Seven Ukrainian Girls is the eighth story in the series, and follows on from the tales collected in my book Seven Hotel Stories.  

The Ultra Platinum Paradise Beach Resort offers fabulous facilities.  The exclusive Black Hole Coral Reef Dive Adventure, the Blue Planet Fish Restaurant and the Metaphysical Balance Repair Clinic and Spa should surely guarantee guest satisfaction.

So why is the Ultra Platinum losing money – and why is no-one drinking the famous Megastar all-day cocktails at the Beachfront Ultra Platinum Club?

Ms N, the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager, has been sent in to solve some problems.  Her beautiful but naive ally Tatiana has accompanied her.

Ms N believes that “in every challenge, there is an opportunity”.  But how will she tackle the hotel’s problems by calling in seven beautiful Ukrainian girls, who bring with them five large suitcases of high pork traditional country sausages? (more…)

“Seven Hotel Stories” paperback now available!

The paperback version of Seven Hotel Stories is now out.  It looks like this:

I’m pretty excited about this, so all shares, retweets etc welcome!

The text on the back reads:

“Funny, pacy and sexy” – Matthew Parris

You’ll never make a fuss at a hotel again. (more…)

Reading tips: 7 Hotel Stories: 5 suggestions

How to enjoy “Seven Hotel Stories” – including where to find a free Hotel Story!

‘Where can I find out more about your paperback “Seven Hotel Stories”, featuring the world’s most homicidal hotel manager, Ms N, and her beautiful but naive ally, Tatiana?’ someone asked me the other day.

‘Try my blog,’ I said.

‘Sure,’ she said.  ‘But can you be more specific?’

I took a look and realised I had not written a post about my Seven Hotel Stories since May 2018.

Clicking on the image above will take you to Amazon

Apologies.  I have been a bit busy since May 2018.  I have found time to complete three all-new Hotel Stories, entitled Seven Ukrainian Girls, Total Control, and Hotel Corona, all now published.  I have also written a new Istanbul thriller, (more…)

A complete Hotel Story: free!

How to receive a brilliant free story!

I am grateful to everyone who reads this blog, my Berlin thriller Blood Summit or my novel-length collection of Seven Hotel Stories.

So I thought I would give away, to everyone who finds their way here, a complete, free Hotel Story: The Two Rooms.  If, in return, you would like to follow me on Facebook or sign up for my rather good “writing news”, that would be lovely.

Ms N, the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager and her beautiful but naive accomplice, Tatiana, have to deal with an avalanche of problems involving Mr Burke, an unspeakably obnoxious guest; a dodgy Prime Minister on a moral crusade; Ms Gentle, a provider of specialised services for men; a pack of cigar-smoking Russian ice-hockey fans; and a murderous Japanese sushi chef.  The story contains a startling twist.  Is it my favourite Hotel Story?  Perhaps it is.

To receive a free PDF copy of The Two Rooms, please click on the cover below:

If you’d prefer to download a “Word” copy, click here:

If you like The Two Rooms, you may like to read the complete Seven Hotel Stories.  But that’s another story.  Six, in fact.

P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, please friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button).  Check out the range of writing on this site via my 5 pleasure paths.

The toughest, sexiest woman in fiction?

One of the most brilliant women in fiction is also tough, glamorous and successful.  Meet Ms N.

What kind of woman is tough, yet keeps her femininity and beauty?

Meet Ms N, the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager, and her beautiful but naive ally, Tatiana.  Ms N is one of the most formidable women in fiction

Ms N is so modest that she does not want anyone to know her real name.  But no-one handles men more effectively and more conclusively than she does, in the Seven Hotel Stories in which she stars.

You can buy a paperback or e-book version of Seven Hotel Stories at Amazon.comAmazon.co.uk, and other reputable Amazon outlets.  You won’t regret it.

If you don’t want to pay for a story, contact me via the form below and I’ll send you a Word copy of one of the stories.  We try to please!

P.S. The Seven Hotel Stories are not intended for children.  “The White Blouse”, in particular, contains some very evil men indeed, who get what they deserve.

P.P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, please friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button).  Check out the range of writing on this site via the sitemap and guide.

Seven Hotel Stories. Yes, seven

I have so far published seven hotel stories, available on Amazon in the novel-length Seven Hotel Stories: The Complete Collection.   

All the stories feature the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager, Ms N; her beautiful but naive ally, Tatiana; and Ms N’s unique methods of solving problems.

The first story, Britches, shows how Ms N and Tatiana first met; and how they sorted out the hotel owner from hell using a Combined Burns Night and St Patrick’s Day Ball (they exist – I have been to one); the President of China; and something Tatiana found under a handsome Scotsman’s kilt.  You can read an excerpt from Britches here.

The second Hotel Story is The Two Rooms.  It features an obnoxious guest; a hypocritical Prime Minister on a moral crusade; some Russian ice-hockey fans; an angry Japanese sushi chef; and a startling twist.  Is it my favourite?  Perhaps it is.  You can read an excerpt from The Two Rooms on this site.

(more…)

“Blood Summit” on sale here

Where to buy my thrilling Berlin novel “Blood Summit”.

The book fits right in, between Ian Fleming and John le Carré.  Good company.

“Blood Summit” at Shakespeare & Co in Vienna

Shakespeare & Co, the famous Vienna English language booksellers, stocks my Berlin thriller Blood Summit.  I am proud to see it there on the shelves.

If you live in Vienna, I suggest you nip right down to Shakespeare & Co and buy yourself a book from their well-stocked shelves.

Shakespeare & Co also stock my book Seven Hotel Stories.  

Shakespeare & Co is at Sterngasse 2 in central Vienna (1st District).  It is worth a visit.  A sketch, including of the excellent Guy Perlaki who helps run the shop, is on the Vienna Würstelstand site.

If you are do not live in Vienna, you can buy Blood Summit as a paperback or e-book at Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, Amazon.de (it is a big hit in Germany and Austria) and other reputable outlets.  I hope you enjoy it.  Hundreds (so far) of others have.  You can also read the first five chapters on this website.
P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, please friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button).  Check out the range of writing on this site via the sitemap and guide.

A new Hotel Story: The Three Heads

In 2017 I published the seventh Hotel Story.

The Three Heads.  

Like all the Hotel StoriesThe Three Heads features the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager, Ms N, and her beautiful but naive ally, Tatiana.  Like its predecessor, The Swedish WomanThe Three Heads presents Ms N with a crime which she must solve, reinforcing her credentials as the Sherlock Holmes to whom Tatiana, the narrator, plays Doctor Watson.  I’d be delighted to hear your comments.

What are the rest of the Hotel Stories like?  Take a look at the book:

By way of a taster for The Three Heads, I hope you enjoy the following excerpt.

The Three Heads (excerpt)

‘Tatiana, my sugar plum.  You are looking beautiful today.’

‘Thank you.  But – ‘

‘I mean it, buttercup.  I never forget how lucky I am to have you.’

‘Pablo.  I am grateful.’  When I gaze into Pablo’s warm brown eyes and see his soft lips smiling at me, I find it hard to think straight.  ‘But we need to talk about your plans to promote the hotel.  Our Caravanserai Ultra Platinum is in trouble.’

‘Our hotel promotes itself, turtle-dove.  It is the coolest, most luxurious and most ecological destination on earth, and the only hotel located entirely within a hollow mountain.’  He gestures around the Sunset Bar, with its outrageously exclusive (more…)

Tatiana speaks: how to enjoy the Hotel Stories

I recently asked Tatiana, narrator of the Hotel Stories, how she would describe them.  She answered as follows:

‘If I am honest, I am astonished that so many readers are interested in reading about Ms N, my small but perfectly formed boss, who is a normal female hotel manager like any other.  She herself asked me to point out that the publicity describing her as “occasionally homicidal” is libellous and that that she would never seek to harm any guest or colleague, or encourage anyone else to harm him, no matter what bad things he might be doing.

It is not her fault if these people sometimes suffer tragic accidents, such as Mr Buddy Rich in Gents in the Florida Everglades, or Mr Matt Miller in The Swedish Woman in a pool of blood in the lift.  With hindsight, Francois, the too-macho diving instructor in the soon-to-be-published Seven Ukrainian Girls should never have asked to be smeared with lubricant before he put on his diving outfit.  And at the time her boss suffered an unfortunate surfing accident in Hawaii in the not-yet-published Total Control, Ms N was in a double-landlocked country far away and thus cannot be held responsible.

I hope that is clear.

I also am noticing that some people are buying individual Hotel Stories separately!

I am sorry to say that this is not logical, or appropriate.

This is because if you are buying even two Hotel Stories, the cheapest and best way and if you are asking me most sensible way all round is to buy Seven Hotel Stories: The Complete Collection.  In this book you can read seven Hotel Stories.  I guarantee this is best value and also a wonderful book.  You can buy it on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk.

So: check out the Complete Collection.  Like I was saying: seven whole stories.  By the way, I am in all of them; and so is the remarkable Ms N.

Thank you for listening.’

Tatiana

‘P.S. If you would like to see more tasty, fresh, original writing by Mr Robert Pimm, follow his Facebook page or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see blue “click here” button).  You can explore the wealth of variety in the more than 200 posts on this site via Mr Pimm’s five pleasure paths.’

The Swedish Woman: ‘Please, Tatiana, show mercy!’

‘Please, Tatiana, show mercy!’

But Tatiana does not show mercy.  You can find out why in my 2016 Hotel Story, the sixth in the series.

If you have read any of the Hotel Stories, you will enjoy this one.  If you haven’t read any, The Swedish Woman is a great place to start.

How to enjoy The Swedish Woman;

  • You can read some of The Swedish Woman instantly via this free chunky excerpt;
  • You can scoop up all seven Hotel Stories, including The Swedish Woman, in one package in Hotel Stories: The Complete Collection;
  • If you can’t afford it or don’t like paying for stories, no problem: write a comment below and I’ll send you a free Word copy of the first short story in the series, “The Two Rooms“.  It would be great to hear from you.

P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, please friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button).  Check out the range of writing on this site via the sitemap and guide.

Why you’ll like The Swedish Woman

Who is the enigmatic Swedish woman?

 

It’s time to find out.  The Swedish Woman, the third short story in the unique “Hotel Stories” series, reveals the answer.  It’s the most entertaining story yet.  It has several outstanding twists and novelties.

One of the novelties is that for the first time (more…)

The Swedish Woman – Hotel Story No.3

In an hotel elevator awash with blood, a man lies murdered.  But who is the killer?

What is the role of the enigmatic Swedish woman, whose identity is shrouded in mystery?

In The Swedish Woman Ms N, the most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager in the world, must solve the crime before the country’s untainted-by-corruption-of-any-kind Minister of Justice, who happens to be one of the suspects, can solve it in his unique and not necessarily helpful way.

The Swedish Woman has been rated by some readers as the funniest Hotel Story so far.

(more…)

Preview: a new Hotel Story: The Swedish Woman

In an elevator awash with blood, a man lies murdered.  But who is the killer?  And what is the role of the enigmatic Swedish woman, whose identity is shrouded in mystery?

Find out here, soon.

After a year in the crafting, I shall publish soon my third in the series of short Hotel Stories.  

Its title is The Swedish Woman.

Hailed by early readers as maybe the funniest of the Hotel Stories so far, The Swedish Woman features a galaxy of extraordinary characters – from the 100% untainted-by-corruption-of-any-kind Minister of Justice and the charming but elderly Irish gentleman in search of female company who may or may not have only six months to live; through the brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager Ms N and her beautiful but naive ally, Tatiana; to the mysterious Swedish woman herself.

Who is she, and what is she doing in the hotel?

By way of a taster, here is the first part of the story.  Enjoy, (more…)

The Hotel Stories – 7 reasons you should read them

7 reasons why “Seven Hotel Stories” is a great read.

I am standing in the lobby of a breathtaking luxury hotel.

My friends, all top hotel professionals, crowd round me.

‘We’ve heard about your Hotel Stories,’ says one.  ‘They sound fabulous – a little bit spicy, a little bit mysterious, loads of strong women.  Are they based on real life?’

‘Absolutely not,’ I say to the group of hotel managers and luxury travel experts.  ‘The stories spring fully-formed from my imagination.  But enough about me. Has anything weird or stimulating happened in any of your properties recently?’

‘Weird or stimulating barely suffices to describe what happened at my hotel in London last week,’ says the general manager of a legendary five-star property.  ‘Let me tell you about it…’

*

So what is in the Hotel Stories; and why should you read them?

All seven Hotel Stories star the world’s most brilliant hotel manager, Ms N (she is too modest to wish to be named here).  She has strict methods of dealing with badly-behaved hotel guests.  The stories are narrated by Ms N’s beautiful but naive colleague, Tatiana.

The first reason you should read the Hotel Stories is Britches, which records how Ms N and Tatiana first met.  They form a team, as Tatiana helps Ms N sorts out the hotel owner from hell using the President of China; a whisky-tasting; and something Tatiana finds under a handsome Scotsman’s kilt. (Links in bold italics are to other posts on this site.)

(more…)

My fifth fabulous Hotel Story – “Ask for Scarlett” – now available!

I’m delighted to announce that the fifth in the series of “Hotel Stories”, Ask for Scarlett, is now available.  If you have a Kindle, or a Kindle app on your iPad, laptop or other digital device, you can download it instantly with six other stories in Hotel Stories: the Complete Collection.

I wrote about Ask for Scarlett in a previous post, including the fact that it lets us, for the first time, see parts of the story from the point of view of Ms N – the most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager in the world.  It may also, perhaps, introduce a couple of comparatively sympathetic male characters.

(more…)

5 Ways the “Hotel Stories” can improve your life

I had the honour and pleasure recently to go for a walk with a bunch of creative types on a sunny spring day near Cambridge.  The landscape looked like this:

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As we strolled in the bright sunshine I mentioned my Seven Hotel Stories.

I said I was proud of the stories, and that they sold in good numbers.  Someone asked: why is that?

I said: “I guess it’s because the Hotel Stories can improve your life.  Here’s how: (more…)

Seven Hotel Stories – what’s in the Complete Collection?

The Seven Hotel Stories are available in a single, wonderful, novel-length volume, both as a paperback and as an e-book.

But what are the stories?  Here’s a quick summary.

The first hotel story, Britches, shows how Ms N and Tatiana first met; and sorted out the hotel owner from hell using a Combined Burns Night and St Patrick’s Day Ball; the President of China; and something Tatiana found under a handsome Scotsman’s kilt.

The second Hotel Story is called The Two Rooms.  It involves an obnoxious guest; a Prime Minister on a moral crusade; a high-class call-girl; some Russian ice-hockey fans; an angry Japanese sushi chef; and a startling twist.  Is it my favourite?  Perhaps it is.

In the third story, The Swedish Woman, a man is found dead in a hotel elevator awash with blood.  But who has killed him?  The suspects are many, including the enigmatic Swedish woman, whose identity is a closely guarded secret.  If Ms N and Tatiana cannot find the murderer before the untainted-by-corruption-of-any-kind Minister of Justice can summon his portly Chief of Police, disaster looms.

(more…)

Seven Hotel Stories: 19 Reviews

Seven Hotel Stories is available on Amazon – as a paperback or an e-book.  All the stories are set in luxury five-star hotels and star the world’s most brilliant, unpredictable and occasionally homicidal hotel manager, Ms N; and Tatiana, her beautiful but naive accomplice.

Rather than have me tell you about them, let’s see what reads have said about the Hotel Stories:

  • “You’ll never make a fuss at a hotel again”
  • “Tatiana is Watson to Ms N’s Sherlock Holmes”
  • “These stories are a delight.  Robert Pimm understands the female experience of keeping life on track whilst needing the keep the illusion of male superiority intact.  But his heroine can be ruthless, too.”
  • “Beautifully written and compulsively addictive.”
  • “A slick read, lots going on here, finely paced and loved the subtle unsheathing of a hidden cutting edge in 5-star hotel-keeping.”

  • “A cross between The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency and Fawlty Towers”
  • “Delightful, dark, twisted, ingenious humour”
  • “This is strong stuff. When the beam of Tatiana’s torch swings round in stifling darkness to reveal handcuffs and workmen’s tools,we know it’s time to right some truly awful wrongs”

(more…)

Hotel Stories No.4 – “Britches” – now available!

You can now find the fourth in the series of “Hotel Stories”, Britches, published on Amazon as part of Seven Hotel Stories.

Britches features a rather attractive Scot in a kilt, an analysis of which (at the link) shows that although Tatiana may not have a great education, her intellectual skills are second to none.  Let’s get straight into the action with an excerpt from the start of the story.

 

Britches (Excerpt)

A short story by Robert Pimm

03.00

‘The music is too loud.’

‘I beg your pardon, sir?’

‘You are kidding me, right?’ The customer in the dressing gown peers at my name badge. ‘Tatiana.’

‘No, sir, of course I am not kidding you. But I cannot hear you too good.’

The man is narrowing his eyes. I think he is deciding whether it is worth being angry with someone so unimportant as me. (more…)

Hotel Story Number 4: “Britches” – Coming Soon part 2

My last blog promised that the fourth Hotel Story, Britches, would be coming soon.

I’m editing it this afternoon.

It’s good to re-read a story and enjoy it.  Here are two excerpts from Britches:

– As our narrator heroine Tatiana is manhandled through a crowded party in the Dionysus Bar of the hotel by an over-excited guest, she assesses the situation:

I try to relax and to focus on my task, which is to turn the music down, or even off.  As I am being dragged I examine the people I am being dragged past in case they can help me.  Most of the men have more white hair than the women, but their noses are not so sharp and their lips are less stretched. They are dressed in black suits with black or white open-necked shirts and some of them have what look like small white moustaches. But when I look closer I see that they have dabs of white powder under their nose as if they have cut themselves shaving.

It is as if there has been a bad-shaving massacre in the Basement Luxury Venue.

– Later, Tatiana recruits help from some men in kilts to tackle a problem; and we see her famous analytical skills in action:

If I am honest, I am thinking that the man with the hairy, shapely legs has already tonight had one or more drinks. But in a moment he has pulled three other men in skirts from the crowd of people who are watching the Long-Legged Lovely Lassies. All of this new group of men also have hairy, shapely legs. In fact, I am wondering whether this is because men with hairy, shapely legs are enjoying wearing a skirt more than men with legs which are not so hairy or shapely; or whether it is because wearing a skirt makes a man’s legs more hairy and shapely.

A talented woman, is Tatiana.  Watch this space for more news about Britches.

P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, feel free to friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button).  Check out the range of writing on this site via the sitemap and guide.

The “Hotel Stories” – a treasure trove of women’s comedy fiction

Have you ever stayed in a five-star hotel, or gazed at the lobby and dreamed of spending the night in pampered luxury?  

Have you ever wondered, in establishments designed to make visitors feel coddled, cosseted and indulged, how far hotel staff will go to please their most demanding customers?

Or how they deal with guests whose demands are unreasonable, excessive or, perhaps, illegal?

The Seven Hotel Stories, set in luxury hotels, are blackly comic case studies of how the world’s most brilliant hotel manager, Ms N, and her beautiful but naive ally Tatiana sort out some of the nastiest customers – and colleagues – you can imagine.

One reviewer said the Hotel Stories were “like Roald Dahl short stories, crossed with W Somerset Maugham“.  Another said “Tatiana is Watson to Ms N’s Sherlock Holmes – except more deadly“.

The Hotel Stories are written with an insider’s knowledge of how hotels work and the extraordinary things which happen within.  

You won’t find Ms N’s methods taught in any hotel school.  But I have it on good authority that at at least one hotel school, they are required reading.

To get a taste of the Hotel Stories, you can read an excerpt from each one at the links below.  Click!

The first story, “Britches” shows how Ms N and Tatiana first met; and sorted out Mr Minas, the hotel owner from hell, using a Combined Burns Night and St Patrick’s Day Ball (I’ve been to one); the President of China; and a handsome Scotsman’s kilt.

The second story, with a startling twist, is called The Two Rooms, and features an obnoxious hotel guest who will not leave; (more…)

Borrow the “Hotel Stories” for free

Terrific news: if you enrol in a Kindle programme called “KDP Select” you can borrow all the Seven Hotel Stories for free as an e-book.  That’s right: you can borrow them and read them without paying anything at all.  Kindle then compensates the author with a small sum. You don’t get to keep the books permanently on your Kindle or iPad, but since each of the Hotel Stories only takes about half an hour to read, that shouldn’t be a problem.  I honestly don’t mind whether you buy or borrow them – so long as you enjoy them.  And if you do enjoy them, I’d love it if you write a review on Amazon – to help show other people they’re worth reading.

 

 

If you do want to buy or borrow any of the Hotel Stories, you can now find all of them together on my author page on Amazon.

P.S. If you enjoy fresh, original writing, feel free to friend me on Facebook or sign up for e-mail updates (top right – see the “click here” blue button).  Check out the range of writing on this site via the sitemap and guide.

Hotel Stories: “Gents” (Excerpt)

The following is an excerpt from the fifth of the “Hotel Stories” series, “Gents”.  The Hotel Stories series takes a wry look at the sex, humour and power plays beneath the surface of modern hotel life.  The series has been described by one reviewer as “Wonderful, feminist and dark.  Not three words that often go together.”

If you like this excerpt, you can buy a complete collection of Seven Hotel Stories on Amazon either as a paperback or an e-book.  Enjoy.  

Gents (Excerpt)

A short story by Robert Pimm

The first person I see enter the lobby is loaded with shopping bags from a major international clothing brand.

I will not name the brand because I do not like to promote these kind of clothes. But it is a brand like a masculine man’s name. So I am guessing that the man carrying the bags is hoping that wearing these clothes will make him more of a man than he is perhaps feeling inside.

‘Mr Anderson. Welcome to our hotel.’ I smile my thousand-watt smile. ‘Good choice.’

‘Hey. Tatiana. You’re using the script’ The man slides his passport across the counter and peers at my name badge. ‘Are you Russian?’

I maintain my thousand-watt smile and pick up the telephone, which our brand standards say must be answered within three rings. A Mr Miller in Suite 1295 says he wishes to complain that his shower is not working. I promise that Housekeeping will come shortly. Across the lobby I see a group of men whose uniform of dark trousers and blue smart-but-casual shirts, and the noises they are making, remind me of a party of schoolchildren. They are heading for our signature EcoSystem Lounge Bar.

The man with the shopping bags is right that our hotel chain’s core script for reception staff includes the words Welcome to our hotel and Good choice. But the guidance notes which accompany the script also tell us that The customer is a human being and that we should use originality, humour, respect and the personal touch in our exchanges. So I add: ‘No, sir, I am Ukrainian. You know. We leave the West behind.’

This is actually not the first time I am using this joke. (more…)

Coming up soon… a new hotel story: Gents

I have terrific news for all you lovers of the ‘wonderful, feminist and dark’ hotel story series: the third episode will be out soon.  You’ve seen hotelier extraordinaire Ms N and her faithful colleague Tatiana solve intractable problems at a Michelin-starred luxury hotel in Eastern Europe in The Two Rooms; and at a shitbox (“I am sorry to use this kind of vocabulary, but in the hotel industry this is the correct professional term”) somewhere in the back of beyond in The White Blouse.  But what will happen when Tatiana and Ms N coincide at a convention in Florida where nearly all the other delegates are men? Will the pushiest, smuggest and most arrogant alpha male in Ms N’s hotel chain get the job she has set her heart on?  Or can Ms N and Tatiana cook something up?

Read Gents, coming soon to this space, and find out how Ms N, the world’s most brilliant hotelier, solves the hardest problems on earth in her own extraordinary yet subtle way – always with the help of Tatiana.

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Hotel Stories: The White Blouse: Excerpt

Welcome to a site full of reading pleasure.
The following is an excerpt from “The White Blouse“, the second of my “Hotel Stories“.  The Hotel Stories series takes a wry look at the sex, humour and power plays beneath the surface of modern hotel life.  “The White Blouse” is not suitable for children.
 Where can you read the Hotel Stories?  Lots of ways:

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THE WHITE BLOUSE (Excerpt)

A short story by Robert Pimm

If I am honest, I do not like border crossings.

It is a lonely place in the passport queue, waiting to enter the country of C— .  But what to do?

In addition, I know I should not complain because I am here by choice.  It was my decision, to apply for a job in this country.  When I was successful I was so pleased that I went out shopping and bought myself a new white blouse, which is folded up in the big black suitcase at my side.  But now, waiting in a room which I do not think has been painted or even cleaned for many years, I am wondering if I have made the right decision either applying for this job or accepting it.

The country of C— is remote.  There are not even direct flights to C— from most countries.  Instead, I must fly to a neighbouring country, R—.  R— has a capital city whose airport is a hub for the region.  From there I must take a taxi fifty kilometres to the border of C—.  Once I am through passport control I will hire a taxi on the other side of the border and continue to my destination.

I have already been waiting thirty minutes.

But now I am at the front of the queue.

The passport officer is a tall man with a black moustache and a khaki-coloured shirt which is stretched out tight by a large belly.  He looks down at me in a way I do not like.

‘So,’ he says in English.  ‘You are coming to work in our country?

‘Yes,’ I reply.  My work permit is with my passport on the counter in front of him so I cannot think what else to say.

‘You want to work in a hotel.  As a head receptionist.’  He says this as if it is something dirty.  ‘Your customers will like that.  You are a very attractive woman.’

He smiles at me, but not in a good way.

‘Is that a problem?’ I say.

‘I think we must do a customs search.’  He looks at my black suitcase, then he looks for a longer time at me, and licks his lips.  ‘Come.’  He points to a door behind the counter.

(more…)

Hotel Stories: The Two Rooms: Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from the second of the “Hotel Stories” series, The Two Rooms.  The Hotel Stories series takes a wry look at the sex, humour and power plays beneath the surface of modern hotel life.  The series has been described by one reviewer as “Wonderful, feminist and dark.  Not three words that often go together.”

If you like this excerpt, you can buy the whole story as a Kindle download on Amazon.comAmazon.co.ukAmazon.de or other Amazon sites.  Or check out Seven Hotel Stories – the complete collection.

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THE TWO ROOMS (Excerpt)

A short story by Robert Pimm

12.34

‘I’m not moving.  That’s final.’

Mr Burke is a tall, dark-haired man in a designer denim jacket with subtle stubble and a deep, melodious voice.  He’s achingly good-looking and he knows it.

(more…)

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