Robert Pimm

Home » Fiction » The “Hotel Stories” – a treasure trove of comedy and revelation

The “Hotel Stories” – a treasure trove of comedy and revelation

Have you ever stayed in a five-star hotel, or gazed at the lobby and dreamed of spending the night in pampered luxury?  

Have you ever wondered, in establishments designed to make visitors feel coddled, cosseted and royally indulged, how far hotel staff will go to please their most demanding customers?

Or how they deal with guests whose demands are unreasonable, excessive or plain gross?

The Hotel Stories, set in luxury five-star hotels, are comic case studies of how the world’s most brilliant hotel manager, Ms N, and her loyal ally Tatiana sort out some of the nastiest customers – and colleagues – you can imagine.

One reviewer said the Hotel Stories were “like Roald Dahl short stories, crossed with W Somerset Maugham“; and “Tatiana is Watson to Ms N’s Sherlock Holmes – except more deadly“.

The Hotel Stories are written with an insider’s knowledge of how hotels work and the extraordinary things which happen within.  

In each story Ms N, with Tatiana’s help, sorts out sticky problems; and helps transform hotels from mundane to magical.

But you won’t find Ms N’s methods taught in any hotel school.

The first story, with a startling twist, is called The Two Rooms, and features an obnoxious hotel guest who will not leave; some Russian ice-hockey fans; a Prime Minister on a moral crusade; and an angry Japanese chef, locked in a battle of wills.  As Ms N says to Tatiana: “It is time to start solving some problems.”

The second story, “The White Blouse“, is set, perhaps, somewhere in the Former Soviet Union.  Ms N, with Tatiana’s help, delivers the ultimate lesson on how to demolish an immovable bureaucratic obstacle in the form of Mr Kagit, who works in the President’s office and whose brother is the Minister of Planning.  As Ms N says: “There are many things about this hotel we need to change.  Some of them are small things.  Some of them are big things.  We will start with the big ones.”

The third story, “Gents“, is set in sunny Florida and involves a congress of hoteliers; too much testosterone; and  alligators.  Ms N wants a certain job as a General Manager.  But as she says to Tatiana: “These so-called gents have a habit of fixing up appointments amongst themselves.  It is a kind of male-bonding.  Of course I could not play these games, even if I wished to do so.”

The fourth story, “Britches” shows how Ms N and Tatiana first met; and sorted out Mr Minas, the hotel owner from hell, using a Combined Burns Night and St Patrick’s Day Ball (they do happen – I’ve been to one); the President of China; and something Tatiana found under a handsome Scotsman’s kilt. After talking to the wife of Mr Minas, Ms Arine, Ms N tells Tatiana: “I am a lucky woman because I have studied at a famous hotel school in Switzerland. But after talking to Ms Arine I realise that there are options open to hoteliers which are not taught even in the best schools.”

The fifth story is Ask for Scarlett, which takes Ms N and Tatiana to the Caravanserai Ultra Platinum – “the coolest and most ecological as well as the most luxurious hotel on earth”.  You will find why Tatiana says “every paradise contains a serpent”; how Ms N solves a problem no-one else can even identify; and how much nonsense you can talk about the environment to sell hotel rooms.

The sixth story is The Swedish Woman.  In an elevator awash with blood, a man lies murdered.  But who is the killer?  The suspects are many, including the mysterious Swedish woman, who checked in a few hours earlier.  If Ms N and Tatiana cannot identify the murderer before the untainted-by-corruption-of-any-kind Minister of Justice can summon his portly Chief of Police, disaster looms.

The seventh story is The Three Heads.  Can brilliant marketing, social media and the coolest pop star on earth save Tatiana’s hotel, the Caravanserai Ultra-Platinum, nestling inside a hollowed-out mountain above a relic-strewn plain and accessible only via three separate and perhaps not entirely modern or safe airlines?  Is there really a flea infestation?  Only Ms N knows the answer.

Where can you read the Hotel Stories?  Lots of ways:

  • You can read excerpts of each story at the links above.  See what you fancy;
  • You can buy Hotel Stories: The Complete Collection. You can find it at Amazon.comAmazon.co.uk and other reputable Amazon outlets;
  • If you fancy trying a single story, you can read The Two Rooms by way of an introduction.
  • If you don’t want to pay for a story, contact me via the form below and I’ll send you a Word copy of one of the stories.  We try to please!

 

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